Episode 14: Down Here, It's Our Time • Pool of Radiance • The Pools Saga • Sam Thul

Aldren, Mara, Lucian, and Merrick spent most of their time wandering the wilderness, crawling through stupid caves, and mapping a ruined castle full of lizard piss. Somewhere along the way, they met an actual silver dragon named Diogenes, who asked them to recover a silver bottle from a kobold complex far to the east.

The party found the complex and entered through the smaller of two caves, where Aldren immediately fell into a pool and lost an unspecified amount of everybody's shit. Deeper inside, a group of kobolds offered them money for a truce. Mara wanted them dead, the Decision Die rolled a 1, and the ceiling fell on everyone.

Things somehow got worse from there. The party fought its way into the throne room, killed all four trolls guarding an ancient kobold king, and appeared to be winning. Then the king unveiled a secret weapon, obliterated Aldren and Lucian, and sent another hundred kobolds and five wild boars after Mara and Merrick.

Everybody died.

So the party camped outside, chose better spells, and prepared to do the whole stupid thing again.

"Alright," Aldren said, looking over the other three. They were bloodstained, pissed off, and still pretty beaten up. "Are we ready?"

Lucian adjusted the sleeves of his robe. "I have prepared a more suitable selection of spells."

They entered through the smaller cave again. This time, Merrick found the mechanism attached to the fucking water trap and disarmed it before Aldren could go swimming and lose more of the party's belongings to the cave.

Before long, the four of them stood outside the throne room. On the other side waited an ancient kobold king, four trolls, a small army of kobolds, two human traitors, one giant ballista, five wild boars, and enough additional bullshit to fill several rooms we had not technically reached yet.

"My friends, the last time we entered this room, we were unprepared. We were tired. We were outnumbered."

"Yes, but this time we know what waits for us. Up there, that king has his throne, his trolls, and his ridiculous secret weapon. Up there. Down here, we have each other. Down here, this is our time. It's our time down here! We didn't come all this way to let a cave full of kobolds decide how our story ends."

Lucian immediately planted a Fireball in the middle of the horde. The blast erased a large number of kobolds and rolled across the chamber with enough heat to scorch several of the trolls. Before the smoke had even cleared, Aldren quaffed a Potion of Speed and charged into the surviving ranks.

Merrick hung back and whipped a stone directly into one wounded troll's forehead. A thin line of blood trickled down its face. The troll barely seemed to notice.

Lucian trapped three of the monsters inside a Stinking Cloud. The trolls staggered and gagged while Aldren rushed the nearest one and swept his sword across its neck. The head came off cleanly and bounced across the cave floor.

Aldren brought the blade around and opened a second troll from the groin down, slicing through its femoral artery. It collapsed almost immediately, pumping blood across the floor.

Merrick loaded another stone and fired at the same troll he had struck before. This time, the rock cracked through its brainpan and dropped the enormous bastard where it stood.

Mara answered by smashing a kobold for six points of damage. It died. Watching their massive warriors get chopped apart did very little for kobold morale, and several of the little bastards began throwing down their weapons.

Mara crushed another one anyway while Aldren sprinted toward the final troll, which had spent most of the battle idling in a corner.

Lucian raised the Wand of Paralyzation and used its final charge. He had picked the thing up somewhere earlier. I honestly have no fucking memory of where.

The troll froze in place. Lucian walked over and beat it to death with his quarterstaff.

The first half of the battle was over. Each party member received 928 experience points.

The giant ballista tore into the already exhausted party and caused an absolutely obscene amount of damage. This time, Aldren survived, barely. Lucian—the one person who still had another Fireball ready—went down in a heap of blood and robes.

Merrick reached him first and managed to stabilize him, but things were looking rather bleak. Aldren had only six hit points left and was surrounded by angry kobolds and five wild boars. Mara and Merrick were still standing, although neither looked especially thrilled about it.

One of the boars charged. Aldren killed it with a single swing, then uncorked a Potion of Extra Healing and drank it before the others could close in.

Mara struck another boar for six points of damage and pointed at it. “That one!”

Aldren finished it, reducing the animal to a bloody heap of fur. Merrick brought down a third with a well-placed sling stone, and Aldren killed a fourth before the kobolds managed to swallow him again.

Mara cast Hold Person and froze several kobolds in place. Aldren used the opening to drink a Potion of Healing, looked at the wall of enemies still advancing, and drank another. That left him completely out of healing potions.

Mara placed one hand against his armor and cast Protection from Evil. Then she pointed her hammer toward the mass of kobolds.

Aldren nodded and began his charge. Mara followed with another Hold Person, locking down several more while the kobold leaders continued pelting the party with arrows from the far side of the chamber.

Without Lucian's ranged magic, the little assholes were becoming a real fucking nuisance.

Not as some heroic display of raw physical power. I had forgotten to re-equip his sword after he drank the last healing potion, so the party's most powerful warrior was now trying to bare-knuckle an army of kobolds.

Whatever brief attraction Mara had felt while watching him decapitate trolls died right there.

Now properly equipped, Aldren swung again and killed five kobolds in one massive arc. More of them poured into the empty space, filling it like filthy water rushing into a ditch.

He did. Three more kobolds went down, finally clearing enough space for the last wild boar to reach him. Aldren swung and missed.

The boar snapped at his legs. With no kobolds surrounding him, Merrick pulled out his sling and fired at one of the kobold leaders. The rock caught the little bastard cleanly and dropped him.

That brought the remaining leaders charging toward the party. Mara greeted them with Hold Person while Aldren tried to hit the boar again.

Finally, on the third attempt, Aldren connected and crippled it. Merrick finished the animal with another sling stone. Mara then spent her final Hold Person spell locking down even more of the approaching leaders.

Aldren was still moving at potion speed and managed one final swing before the message fully reached him. The last two held kobolds died where they stood.

AND THEN the game said, oh, you're proud of winning the last two fights? Well, fuck you. Here's a third fight with two more trolls, two more wild boars, and another pile of fucking kobolds.

"No, Aldren. I will NOT wait. This entire place is a fucking death trap. We beat the trolls. We beat the boars. We beat the king's stupid ballista. Then the cave produced MORE trolls, MORE boars, and MORE kobolds. I'm done."

Lucian rubbed the side of his head. "He has a point. Our revised strategy was substantially more effective, but it did not solve the underlying problem. We are not equipped to survive three consecutive engagements of that size."

Mara stood and retrieved her hammer. "We leave. We get stronger. Then we come back and kill every living thing in here."

Aldren looked toward the throne-room door. Somewhere beyond it was the silver bottle Diogenes wanted. He sighed.

"Of course not," Merrick said. "We're abandoning the cave and everything in it. Completely different thing."

Back in New Phlan, the four of them spent some time recovering at their favorite hostel before gathering around the map.

Mara pointed toward an area across the river they had never visited. "What about here?"

Lucian pulled out the notes they had recovered from the Textile House. “Here. Stojanow Gate is described as being guarded by bugbears and ettins. The notes also claim smugglers are moving supplies through it to The Boss. Valjevo Castle lies beyond.”

"So it probably leads somewhere we don't actually have access to," Merrick said.

Aldren straightened. "I think we should go anyway. I need a break from kobolds and the wilderness."

Mara stared at him. "So you want to attack a thirty-foot wall with fifty-foot towers full of bugbears and ettins."

While passing through the Slums, Merrick stopped and looked toward the Old Rope Guild.

"Hey. I seem to remember a few fuckers in there playing hacky sack. We never got our revenge. You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Back in Episode 3, those same monsters had ripped the entire party apart in seconds and permanently turned one hallway into the official Nope Wing of the Old Rope Guild. This time, the four adventurers unleashed several episodes' worth of holy fury and wiped them out.

Everyone earned 1,833 experience points. They also recovered a magic-user scroll, some banded mail, and something called a ranseur. After hauling everything back to town to have it checked, I discovered that the armor and the ranseur were both completely useless fucking trash.

The party crossed the river and arrived at Stojanow Gate during the night. The main wall stood thirty feet high, while the watchtowers rose nearly fifty. A group of bugbears lounged around the entrance like they owned the place—which, technically, they did.

A few moments later, another voice called down. "We said stay away from the walls! That includes the tower!"

Merrick looked up. "This is a very particular group of assholes. I'll bet their fathers were hamsters."

Before anyone could figure out exactly where the assholes wanted them to stand, several bugbears marched over and demanded that they throw down their weapons.

The battle began, but the bugbears had very little they could do against Lucian's Fireball. What survived the blast was quickly cut down by Aldren and Mara while Merrick supplied rocks and unnecessary commentary from a comfortable distance.

Arrows and rocks hammered the ground around the party as they moved away from the wall and cased the joint from a safer distance. The gate was large, heavily defended, and very obviously not intended to be entered by four people who had shown up in the middle of the night just to see what would happen.

"One of the notes from the Textile House specifically described this place as tough," Lucian said.

"It also said smugglers use it," Merrick added. "Maybe there's another way inside."

Merrick looked at him. "You know what? Fuck it. I'll go to the loony bin with ya!"

"Run away!" Aldren yelled as rocks and arrows repeatedly bludgeoned them from above.

They found shelter in a nearby building and rested while Lucian memorized Knock twice and replenished his Fireballs.

"That happened twice, and it was clearly some kind of mystical error. I was never a mage."

Mara sighed. "You're not a mage, you're not a dragonslayer, and you're still an idiot."

When they reached the gate, Lucian cast Knock. The lock opened, and the party rushed inside only to encounter another locked door.

He cast Knock again. The second lock released, the party crossed through the wall, and a collection of monsters rushed them from the other side.

Merrick stared at the towering, two-headed creatures charging toward them. "Um... just what in the moonshine-soaked hillbilly fuck are THOSE?"

Mara pointed toward several robed and bow-carrying figures behind them. "And a few magic-using assholes, by the look of those outfits."

He equipped his 25,000-gold composite longbow, fired, and hit one of the magic-users for six points of damage.

Lucian stepped forward, spread his hands, and began casting. An ettin charged before he could finish, slammed into him, and knocked the spell right out of his head.

She rushed forward to protect him, but she was too late. Lucian disappeared beneath a pile of blood, robes, and angry giant feet. Mara went down next, and a few ugly seconds later, so did everybody else.

They barged through the doors again and were once more accosted by ettins, magic-users, and bow-slinging assholes. This time, Lucian kept his distance and opened with his favorite spell. The Fireball killed one bowman and damaged nearly everything else, but the ettins kept coming.

Aldren switched to his absurdly expensive bow and sniped one of the magic-users. A few moments later, the two-headed giants had the party surrounded.

Lucian hit them with a second Fireball. The blast significantly damaged the group but did not kill one fucking thing.

Merrick, looking far more determined than usual, whipped his sling over his head and let the stone fly. It struck the other magic-user and dropped him.

One badly injured ettin staggered directly in front of Aldren. All he had to do was hit it.

Lucian caught two of the giant bastards in a Stinking Cloud, leaving them gagging long enough for Aldren to redeem himself. He stepped in, swung, and brought one of the ettins crashing to the ground.

Merrick fired the Wand of Magic Missiles at another injured ettin, completely ignoring the one standing right beside him. That one knocked him flat. Mara rushed over and stabilized him before he could bleed out.

That was enough. The remaining enemies broke and ran. The party gave chase, killing all but one fleeing ettin.

There were also several items that appeared to be magical, so the party took them. Obviously.

Then twenty human and demi-human guards poured in and took possession of the guard towers.

Aldren stood there for a moment, with Lucian slung over one shoulder. "We need to rest."

They ducked into a nearby building, built a makeshift camp, and rested until everyone was back to one hundred percent.

Later, Merrick looked across the campfire at Aldren. “Hey. What are we doing here again?”

Lucian looked up. “Not directly. The Textile House notes identified Stojanow Gate as a supply route to The Boss. The papers from Kovel Mansion said he held audiences inside Valjevo Castle, and Yarash’s letter confirmed that he controlled it.”

"The Boss is recruiting an army to retake New Phlan," Aldren said. "Someone has to stop him."

The party searched the remaining lower buildings but found jack shit. Upstairs, one barracks contained rows of beds, including two absurd fourteen-foot beds, and absolutely nothing worth stealing.

Inside one large room, they encountered several women washing clothes. The women retreated into a corner when the four armed strangers entered.

"They don't belong here," one whispered. "They must have come to kill Tyranthraxus."

Tyranthraxus. They had seen that name before in the old books from the library. The Flamed One. Servant of Bane. The asshole whose spirit could jump from one human body to another.

One of the women looked toward the door. "Tyranthraxus is leading our men to their deaths. If you intend to kill him, we will help. Use these clothes as disguises and you may escape notice."

Merrick recoiled. "Oh, fuck that. I'm not wearing somebody else's grubby clothes."

A roll of 1 meant the party would refuse the disguises because Merrick was being a little bitch. A 2, 3, or 4 meant they would put the clothes on and make the rest of this area slightly less nightmarish for me.

Lucian took one of the outfits and examined it. "The tactical benefit considerably outweighs your objection to secondhand laundry."

Then the game asked whether we wanted to tie the women up, kill them, or leave them alone. I was a little surprised that murdering a room full of defenseless laundry workers was a serious option, but the party did contain at least two deeply fucked-up evil characters, so here we were.

Aldren wanted to leave them alone. Lucian believed tying them up would prevent a possible double-cross. Merrick agreed with Lucian. Mara had that look in her eyes again.

A roll of 1 meant the party would kill them. A 2 or 3 meant they would tie them up. A 4 meant they would leave them alone.

I'm sorry, dear reader. I know how badly you wanted a completely unnecessary complication involving murdered washerwomen, but the die had spoken.

In another building, they found piles of assorted weapons and armor. Unfortunately, nobody had Detect Magic memorized, which meant we had no way to tell which pieces were worth hauling around and which were ordinary garbage.

Farther north in the courtyard, the party entered a barracks that had been converted into a temple of Bane. A crude altar stood in one corner. A priest and two acolytes turned away from it and approached the disguised adventurers.

"Welcome, my children," the priest said. "Come forward and accept the blessing of Lord Bane."

The priest’s twisted smile gave Aldren the fucking creeps, so he wanted to leave. Mara wanted them dead. Lucian and Merrick were curious about what the blessing might do.

So a roll of 1 meant we would leave. A 2 meant we would attack. A 3 or 4 meant the party would accept the blessing.

Mara froze them with Hold Person, Lucian filled the room with Stinking Cloud, and that was basically that. Each party member received 676 experience points. They also found a necklace that appeared to be magical.

"Can one of you PLEASE memorize the spell that tells us which shit is magical?" Merrick asked. "For the love of fucking god."

Near the altar, Merrick spotted silver in the collection plate and tried to steal it. An unseen unholy force immediately smote the entire party.

Behind the altar, Mara detected magic coming from two swords affixed to the wall, so the party took them. Thankfully, Bane did not smite everyone for stealing those.

Farther north, the party entered another large building and found several giants putting on their armor.

"They are hill giants," Lucian said, already preparing a spell. "Their response was entirely predictable."

Lucian charged forward, raised his hands, and cast Fireball. This pissed the hill giants off quite a bit. They responded by throwing boulders at the poor mage.

Merrick killed one with his sling while the rest of the party rushed forward, desperately trying to reach the giants before they could stone Lucian to death. When the hill giants saw everyone closing in, they turned and fled.

Anyways, the party annihilated the rest of them and earned 4,867 experience points each.

The Party So Far

The silver dragon's bottle is still somewhere inside the kobold complex, the heir to House Bivant is still missing, and the party has temporarily replaced both problems with the much larger problem of invading the stronghold of Tyranthraxus.

Still favoring his Two-Handed Sword +2, Plate Mail +2, Gauntlets of Ogre Power, and absurdly expensive composite longbow. Delivered a genuinely inspiring speech, killed an unreasonable number of trolls, boars, kobolds, ettins, and giants, then briefly attempted to fistfight an army because I forgot to re-equip his sword. Also continues to call himself a dragonslayer despite Lucian's increasingly exhausted objections.

Still wielding her Hammer +3 and wearing her Ring of Protection +1. Used Hold Person repeatedly, protected Aldren from evil, stabilized Merrick, kicked a priest of Bane square in the nuts, and finally memorized Detect Magic after being asked nicely. Or, more accurately, after Merrick complained at her.

Burned his way through kobolds, bugbears, ettins, hill giants, and anything else foolish enough to stand inside a Fireball-sized area. Killed a troll with a quarterstaff, opened Stojanow Gate and the door behind it with Knock, and learned that charging toward an ettin while casting is a poor tactical decision.

Still wearing Leather Armor +4 and his Cloak of Displacement, and still carrying his Short Sword +2 and Sling of Seeking +2. Disarmed the water trap, cracked a troll's brainpan with a rock, resisted wearing somebody else's clothing, somehow killed a magic-user with a sling stone, and got the entire party smote after trying to steal silver from Bane's collection plate.

Next Time On...

An alarm is sounding somewhere inside Valjevo Castle. The party is wearing borrowed disguises, carrying several unidentified magical items, and has already killed priests, ettins, hill giants, and enough guards to make the whole subtle-infiltration thing feel slightly dishonest.

More importantly, The Boss finally has a name.

Tyranthraxus.

Oh, and fuck that kobold place. For real.

Previously...

The Party So Far

Next Time On...