Previously...
Along the way, Merrick reached level 5, Lucian learned how to weaponize gastrointestinal distress, and the party discovered a very large half-naked man chained inside a room.
His name was Skullcrusher.
Yup, that tracks.
More importantly, Skullcrusher knew about a secret door leading toward the hobgoblin leader responsible for stealing Cadorna’s treasure.
And now he was one of us. Mara couldn't be more excited. Lucian still didn't really care.
“So, Skullcrusher, is it?” Aldren asked.
“You know it is,” Mara replied before the enormous man could answer.
Aldren glanced at her, then back at Skullcrusher. “Right. Well, I couldn’t help but notice that you have no armor.”
Skullcrusher shrugged.
“Or a weapon.”
Another shrug.
“Or, for that matter, a shirt.”
“I’ll be fine, little man.”
Aldren stared up at him. Skullcrusher smiled.
“Right,” Aldren said. “I’m sure you will.”
Merrick leaned toward Lucian. “Think he punches people to death?”
Lucian looked over Skullcrusher’s enormous arms. “Considering the condition of that hobgoblin we discovered earlier, I believe that is a reasonable hypothesis.”
Mara continued staring at Skullcrusher. Quite openly.
Aldren noticed. “Mara?”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Good.”
Skullcrusher apparently had no interest in the discussion. He turned and started down the corridor. “The secret door is this way.”
Merrick immediately perked up. “Secret door! Man, I love those!”
Before long, Skullcrusher stopped beside an otherwise unremarkable section of the eastern wall.
“In there,” he said. “If we go through this way, we can surprise them.”
Merrick inspected the wall. “Heck of a plan, Skully. Can I call you Skully?”
“I—”
“Good. That’s good.”
Merrick began searching for a way to open the door before Skullcrusher could finish answering. A few moments later, the hidden passage opened and the party slipped through. And there he was.
The hobgoblin leader Skullcrusher had been talking about was apparently not a hobgoblin at all, but an enormous ogre chieftain who stood nearly ten feet tall. His gigantic form rose from the shadows as the party entered, his head scraping the ceiling.
Basically, he was one bad motherfucker.
The creature glared down at them. “Puny creatures! I allowed you to toy with my minions, but now I’ll crush the life from your limbs!”
Aldren drew his sword. Merrick reached for his sling. Mara lifted her flail. And Lucian...
Lucian started running directly toward the enormous group of monsters while forming what appeared to be magical gang signs with his hands.
Merrick’s eyes widened. “Lucy! What the hell are you doing?”
“Stand back! I have this!”
A disgusting green cloud exploded through the center of the room. The ogre chieftain immediately began coughing and gagging.
Merrick stared. “Oh shit. The fart spell.”
“It is not a fart spell!”
The battle erupted around them. Aldren switched to his composite longbow and began firing his precious Arrows +1 into the crowd while Skullcrusher charged straight into the nearest group of hobgoblins. He hit one. Hard.
The creature folded. Skullcrusher hit another. It also folded.
Merrick watched him work. “Okay. I like Skully.”
Meanwhile, Lucian somehow survived long enough to unleash Sleep, sending several hobgoblins to the floor. Mara followed with Hold Person, paralyzing two more where they stood.
Across the room, the ogre chieftain tried to stagger free of Lucian’s magical cloud and turned toward the mage.
Merrick saw him coming. “Oh, hell no.”
He loaded his sling. “Leave Lucy alone!”
Lucian turned. “DON’T CALL ME—”
Merrick fired.
The stone struck the enormous creature squarely. The ogre chieftain toppled backward and hit the floor. Dead. Everyone stopped for just a second.
Merrick slowly lowered his sling. “Huh.”
Aldren stared at him. “Did you just kill that thing with a rock?”
Merrick smiled. “Talent.”
Everything seemed to be working perfectly, which meant somebody was obviously about to get fucked up. An arrow slammed directly into Merrick’s chest and he dropped.
“Thief down, thief down!” Aldren shouted.
Mara looked over. “Aww, for fuck's sake!”
She fought her way across the room, knelt beside the thief, and slammed a Cure Light Wounds spell into him. Merrick gasped and opened his eyes.
He looked down at the arrow sticking from his chest. “Is this heaven? Are you... are you an angel?”
“Definitely not. And you owe me.”
With their leader dead and half the remaining hobgoblins asleep, paralyzed, choking, or recently introduced to Skullcrusher’s fists, the battle didn’t last much longer. Soon the room fell silent.
Skullcrusher looked around. “Good fight.”
Merrick nodded. “I like this guy.”
Mara smiled. “So do I.”
Aldren frowned. “Yes. We know.”
Among the ogre’s belongings, the party discovered an iron box with the seal of the Cadorna family.
Aldren’s eyes widened. “This is it! This must be the family treasure Councilman Cadorna asked us to retrieve. We should return it immediately! Thank the gods for the opportunity to—”
“Hold up.”
Everyone looked at Merrick. His eyes were fixed on the box.
“Maybe we should take a peek inside first.”
Aldren immediately grabbed the box. “Absolutely not!”
“Oh, come on.”
“There is no way I am letting you mess this up for us, thief!”
“I just want to know what we’re carrying.”
“You want to steal it!”
Merrick considered this. “Okay. Yes.”
“I’m with Aldren,” Mara said.
Everyone stared at her.
She shrugged. “For once.”
Mara continued. “These city folk will probably pay us considerably more than whatever useless family trinkets are inside.”
Aldren nodded emphatically. “Exactly!”
“So technically,” Mara added, “not stealing it is currently the greedier option.”
Merrick’s expression softened. “That... actually makes sense.”
And so there would be no roll. Not for this. Not today. For once, the party was going to do exactly what they had been hired to do.
Merrick was understandably disappointed. “Fine. But next time some City Hall stiff sends us to retrieve a mystery box, we’re opening the fucking thing, seal or no seal!”
The party made camp right there in the room among the rather large pile of dead and dismembered hobgoblins and one very dead ogre. Mara patched everyone back together while Merrick, despite having recently taken an arrow through the chest, insisted on searching every inch of the place.
He found nothing.
“Well, fuck,” he said, sitting down in a slump.
The next morning, Lucian studied the map. “Before we return to town, I suggest we finish mapping the area. There’s not much left to explore and there could still be something of importance nearby.”
Merrick immediately agreed. Aldren agreed because incomplete maps bothered him almost as much as they bothered me. Mara didn’t really seem to care. She was still riding on a battle high from the night before.
And Skullcrusher? Well, he had absolutely no idea why these four idiots were meticulously documenting every hallway, wall, and pile of rubble they encountered. But he came along anyway. FOMO and all.
They found nothing else—just empty rooms and empty dreams. But the textile complex was finally mapped. On the way back toward Podal Plaza, the party passed Kuto’s Well.
Merrick stopped. “Hold on! I’ll be right back.”
Before anyone could respond, he disappeared down the well. The other four shared a collective sigh. Then followed him. At the bottom, Restal greeted his fellow thief. His eyes quickly settled on the iron box.
“We can duplicate the seal on that box,” he said. “For half the treasure. No one will ever know. Interested?”
“Yes. Do it. Do it now,” Merrick said, glancing back toward the ladder about half a dozen times.
He had agreed before Aldren reached the bottom, before Mara could object, and before Lucian even knew what the fuck they were talking about.
Somehow Merrick already had the iron box in his hands, which was impressive considering Aldren had been carrying it about ten seconds earlier. Looks like we were doing this.
Restal carefully broke the seal, opened Cadorna’s family treasure, helped himself to his share, and then somehow replaced the seal well enough that nobody should ever know it had been touched. Probably.
The party walked away considerably richer. Around 1,400 experience points. Two hundred platinum. Several gems. Some jewelry.
And a ridiculous collection of magical items, including a ring, a jeweled dragon statuette, a jewel-studded bowl, a gold-banded wand, and a pair of gauntlets.
Aldren stared at the pile of stolen property. “They’re going to know.”
“Nobody is going to know,” Mara said while examining the ring.
“They are absolutely going to know!”
Merrick slapped Aldren on the shoulder. “Buck up, muscles! They’ll just think somebody else robbed it. Restal put the seal right back. We’re in the clear!”
“But what about...”
Aldren lowered his voice and motioned toward Skullcrusher. “Him.”
Merrick leaned closer. “What about him?”
“He’s Cadorna’s servant!”
Merrick looked toward Skullcrusher.
“He watched us rob the box blind!”
“Oh.”
“What are we whispering about?” Lucian asked as he approached.
“Merrick forgot Skullcrusher works for Cadorna.”
Lucian looked toward the enormous man. Skullcrusher looked back. Everyone was silent. Mara was already staring at him anyway.
Merrick shrugged. “Meh. Little too late to worry about that now, isn’t it?”
Aldren shook his head. “It must be nice.”
Merrick looked at him. “What must be nice?”
“Not giving a shit about anyone or anything. Having no morals. No loyalties. No sense of responsibility.”
Merrick paused. He genuinely considered the question. Then smiled.
“Yeah. It kinda is.”
Aldren frowned. The party returned to New Phlan. They barely made it through the gates before the City Watch stopped them. A guard stepped forward.
“Cadorna’s treasure. Now.”
Aldren handed over the sealed iron box. The guards inspected it, nodded, and immediately carried it away.
“Your reward waits with the city clerk.”
Then they were gone. Everyone stood there.
Aldren blinked. “That’s it?”
Merrick grinned. “See? Nothing to worry about.”
He winked.
Aldren looked sick. “They didn’t even open it.”
“Exactly.”
“That somehow makes me feel worse.”
As they approached City Hall, Skullcrusher stopped. “I must return to my master now.”
The party turned.
Aldren smiled. “Of course. Thank you for your help, Skullcrusher. You fought bravely.”
Skullcrusher nodded. Lucian offered a polite bow. Merrick raised a hand. “Later, Skully.”
Skullcrusher looked at Mara. Mara looked at Skullcrusher. There was a moment.
“Goodbye,” he said.
Then he walked away. Mara watched him disappear into the crowd.
Merrick glanced at her. “You okay?”
“Fine.”
“You look sad.”
“I said I’m fine.”
Merrick smiled. “Skully and Mara sitting in a—”
Mara reached for her flail. Merrick immediately walked faster. At the clerk’s office, the party received the reward Junior Councilman Cadorna had left for them.
Each member earned a little over 1,200 experience points, along with twenty gems to divide amongst themselves.
Merrick stared at the growing collection in his pack. “Holy fuck. We have a lot of these now. I think I’m going to name each one!”
Since they were already nearby, the party stopped at the training hall. Mara had earned enough experience to reach level 5. Which also meant access to third-level clerical spells.
Back at the store, they spent several hundred gold identifying the magical objects stolen from— Excuse me. Recovered while fulfilling their honorable civic duty. Sadly, most of it turned out to be useless crap.
Mara kept the magical ring. Aldren kept the Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Everything else went onto the increasingly large sell pile. And then Lucian suddenly froze.
“My scrolls.”
Merrick stared at him. “What scrolls?”
“The scrolls I forgot to identify earlier.”
Lucian finally had them identified. Merrick slowly covered his face with both hands as Lucian read off what was on them.
“Oh my fucking God.”
HOLY SHIT, what a list of spells he now had access to!
He couldn’t use Fireball or Blink yet, since both were third-level spells, but he could now add Burning Hands, Mirror Image, Detect Invisibility, and Reduce to his spellbook. Lucian looked genuinely happy.
Mara had also acquired several new spells. She flipped through her prayer book.
“Oh.”
Aldren looked over. “What?”
She smiled. “Animate Dead.”
Aldren’s face fell. “No.”
“What?”
“No.”
“I haven’t even done anything yet.”
“You’re smiling.”
“So?”
“You only smile like that when something terrible is about to happen!”
Lucian leaned over to examine the spell. “Technically, the animation of deceased tissue through divine—”
“No!”
Mara memorized it anyways. Eventually, with everyone trained, identified, healed, and considerably richer than they had been a few days earlier, Aldren unfolded the map.
“Well, gang. Where to?”
Lucian pointed toward an unexplored area south of Podal Plaza. “I’ve been wanting to investigate this region.”
Merrick leaned over his shoulder. “What’s there?”
“I have no idea.”
“Could be some cool shit. Like treasure.”
“It could be anything.”
“Yup. Treasure.”
Aldren nodded. “South it is.”
Mara closed her prayer book and they went south. Before long, the party found themselves standing outside an absolutely enormous brick building.
Aldren stared up at it. “That is a very large building.”
“Once again, your intelligence astounds,” Mara said.
Merrick walked toward the front entrance. Lucian stopped him.
“If this structure is occupied, walking directly through the main entrance may not be wise.”
Merrick looked offended. “I wasn’t going inside.”
Everyone stared at him.
“I was casing the joint.”
“Of course,” Lucian said.
They circled the building and eventually discovered another entrance around the back.
Merrick smiled. “Back door.”
Aldren sighed. “Why are you saying it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like the way you’re saying it!”
Mara pushed past both of them and opened the door with a resounding thwack. “Are we going inside or are you two going to stand out here discussing back doors all day?”
Inside was a long hall filled with rows of writing tables and high stools. Pieces of old parchment covered the floor. Lucian immediately looked interested. Merrick immediately started searching things.
Aldren immediately regretted entering through the back. Not far to the east, they discovered a man wearing battered armor crouched in the corner. His eyes were wild. His sword was raised.
“Die! Die, you slime from the pit!”
Ah. Our first Decision Die of the episode. Mara was perfectly happy to kill him. Aldren, Lucian, and Merrick thought perhaps talking to the obviously terrified man might be worth trying first.
So a 1 meant Mara got to cave his skull in. A 2, 3, or 4 meant we talked. I rolled. A 3. We’d parlay!
Aldren slowly raised both hands. “Pardon me, sir. We mean you no—”
“The Big One! So Big!”
Everyone stopped.
The man pointed toward absolutely nothing. “The evil one in the castle of flowers! He is coming! IT is coming!”
Silence.
Merrick leaned toward Lucian. “Is he talking about the clown?”
“The what?”
“Erm... never mind.”
The man began muttering to himself.
Aldren lowered his hands. “I believe he may be... unwell.”
“The technical term,” Lucian said, “would probably be insane.”
“THE FLOWERS KNOW!”
Merrick nodded. “Yup. He’s about three chicken nuggets short of a happy meal.”
The game then gave us another choice. We could leave the lunatic exactly where he was... ...or invite him into the party.
Merrick wanted him along because he thought the man was rather entertaining. Lucian wanted him along because the man might know something useful.
Aldren thought dragging an obviously unstable stranger into monster-infested ruins was irresponsible. Mara just wanted to leave him. That gave us another Decision Die.
A 1 or 2 meant the lunatic joined us. A 3 or 4 meant he stayed behind. I rolled. A 1. Oh joy.
Aldren sighed. “Alright. You may accompany us.”
The mad man stared at him. “The burning water sees you. Tell me, have you ever been kissed by a rose on the grave?”
Aldren looked at Lucian. “Is that good? To be kissed by a rose on a grave?”
“I have no idea.”
And so there were five of them again. Unfortunately, this one had considerably fewer muscles. And marbles. The party continued exploring until they discovered what appeared to be an abandoned library.
Merrick, who had quite a few recent successes at locating cool shit, immediately began digging through the accumulated garbage.
Mara watched him. “You know, someday you’re going to stick your hand into a dark hole and pull back a bloody stump.”
“Worth it.”
A few moments later—
“HA!”
Everyone turned. Merrick emerged holding an old book. The discovery earned the party an absolutely ridiculous 960 experience points each and something identified only as a manual.
For the squishiest member of the party, Merrick was really starting to earn his fucking keep.
Later, inside a large storage room, the party encountered a group of terrified kobolds who immediately threw down their weapons.
“Spare our lives! We will tell you all we know about this area!”
Aldren lowered his sword. “Well... alright, I guess.”
“Oh, how disappointing,” Mara muttered.
The kobolds spilled everything they knew, leading us to Journal Entry #10 and several new pieces of information about the surrounding ruins.
Aldren scratched his head. “So... we have three separate bad things.”
“Correct,” Lucian said.
“Four,” Merrick added.
Everyone looked at him. He pointed toward the mad man.
The mad man was staring into a corner. “I CAN SEE THROUGH MY HEAD!”
Merrick nodded. “Definitely four.”
The party moved deeper into the building until they entered a much larger section of the library. Something enormous hissed from between the shelves. A hulking reptilian creature emerged.
Lucian’s face immediately changed. “Everyone, do not look directly at its—”
Aldren charged. Lucian closed his eyes and released the world’s greatest sigh. The creature was a basilisk.
And for anyone unfamiliar with basilisks, staring directly at one is generally considered a very efficient method of becoming lawn decoration.
Fortunately, Lucian managed to get Stinking Cloud off before Aldren did anything catastrophically heroic. The basilisk staggered inside the magical cloud. Merrick rushed forward. Stab. Stab. Stabby stab. The creature collapsed. Dead.
Aldren looked down at it. “Well! That went rather well.”
Lucian stared at him. “You could have been turned to stone.”
“But I wasn’t.”
“That is not the point.”
Merrick wiped his dagger clean. “Lucy’s magical ass gas wins again!”
Lucian sighed. “I hate all of you.”
The library itself turned out to be considerably more interesting than the basilisk.
In one wing, the party discovered a copy of Urgund’s Description of Darkness. Inside was a passage important enough to copy into the journal as Entry #19:
“...and settled foremost in the hall of Minor Courtiers were the lesser powers: Maram of the Great Spear; Haask, Voice of Hargut; Tyranthraxus the Flamed One; Borem of the Lake of Boiling Mud; and Camnod the Unseen. These too fell down and became servants of the great lord Bane.”
Lucian read the passage again. “Tyranthraxus.”
Aldren looked over. “That name sounds familiar.”
“It should,” Lucian replied. “We have encountered references to him before.”
Mara studied the page. “A servant of Bane.”
“Among several others,” Lucian said.
Merrick shrugged. “Any of them rich?”
“No.”
“Then I hate this book.”
The mad man suddenly pushed his face between them. “SOMETIMES I HEAR RAINBOWS!”
Nobody spoke.
Merrick pointed at the mad man. “See? Told ya we should keep him.”
In the same room, they uncovered another book: Fyerdetha’s Discourses on Power. This one contained something considerably more interesting. The party copied it into their journal as Entry #7:
“Fountains and pools hold great power that can only be reached by performing proper ceremonies. Most sure of these is immersion, for in this way the bather surrenders himself to the spirit of the water. That spirit, or some portion of it, enters into the bather, whereby he gains great powers. Woe to the weak willed whose spirits are sure to be consumed by spirits that put even the strong at great risk. Yurax holds that the Falls of Ixce are greatest of all these. Morden writes that the Pool of Radiance is greater still.”
Lucian stopped reading. Everyone looked at him.
Merrick broke the silence. “The Pool of Radiance.”
Aldren nodded slowly. “The same Pool of Radiance we heard about when we first arrived in Phlan.”
“Yes.”
Mara leaned against one of the shelves. “The magical pool that supposedly gives people great power.”
Lucian continued reading.
“Places of magical power are not necessarily tied to one physical location. Power often moves from plane to plane along the path of least resistance. The termination of the path determines the plane’s location on this plane. Volatile upheavals between the planes may lead to a change in the path of least resistance. This can change where the path terminates on this plane, thus moving the place of power.
“Some who wield strong supernatural forces can bend the path like an engineer damming a river. When the path is bent, it can terminate in a new location, moving the place of power on this plane. If the supernatural force that bent the path is removed, the path will snap back to its original form and the place of power will return to its original location. Such disruption can have violent and unpredictable results.
“Thus, inter-planar upheavals and directed supernatural forces may hold the answer to the seemingly ever-changing location of planes of power, such as the Pool of Radiance.”
For once, nobody immediately made a joke.
Lucian closed the book. “So the Pool can move.”
“Apparently,” Aldren said.
“And somebody sufficiently powerful could potentially move it intentionally,” Lucian added.
Mara smiled slightly. “Now that sounds useful.”
Aldren looked at her. “Useful?”
“Powerful magical pool. Moves between locations. Gives people incredible abilities.”
She shrugged. “Useful.”
The mad man suddenly began laughing. “The water walks! The fire drinks! THE BIG ONE COMES!”
Everyone stared at him.
Merrick cleared his throat. “Okay. That was just silly.”
There were plenty of other books scattered throughout the library that looked important enough to drag back to New Phlan:
- Meditations
- Harmony of the Rock
- Strom’s Discussions of Poetics
- Chronicles of Arram
- Discourse on the Nature of Writing
And then there was the Grand Historian’s Records of the Arts of War. That became Journal Entry #21:
“At this time there ruling the Twisted Ones was a powerful general named Tyranthraxus. He strode before his armies cloaked in flame and led the Riders out of the Waste. At his hand the Kingdom of Barze was conquered. Turning south he led his army to conquer the Horreb and the Vane. Tyranthraxus was a cruel man and leveled all that he had taken, murdering the princes of these lands. But the flame that surrounded him consumed him, destroying his body. Freed of this shell, it flew among the men of his army, lighting on each and claiming it. It was then when Baron Schodt imprisoned Tyranthraxus in a vial of water which shone like the light of day. This he sank in the watery depths of Lake Longreach, defeating the armies Tyranthraxus had raised.”
Lucian looked toward the mad man. Everyone else did too.
He smiled. “The flame wears men.”
Merrick’s expression changed. “I don’t like when he starts making sense.”
Neither did I. They also discovered Lex Geographica, an atlas drawn by Tomarus. That one became Journal Entry #37 and contained old maps of Phlan and the surrounding areas. Needless to say... I was interested.
Very interested.
Then came History of the North, which became Journal Entry #8:
“Ten days ride north of the Varm is a barren and dead country called the Lee-wai, land-in-pain or land-of-caused-pain. Further to the south this place is known as the Tortured Land. It is said to be an evil place, shunned by the Riders. They speak little of this land. But, yearly, during Ches, they make a trip into its heart. There they go to praise the spirit of a glowing spring. This they have done for ages and so shall they do for years to come.”
Aldren looked over the pile of books. “We should return to City Hall immediately! These are exactly the sort of books the clerk has been requesting.”
“Indeed,” Lucian said, carefully turning the pages of one of the older volumes. “Some of these texts may be centuries old. They contain historical accounts, maps, magical theory—”
“Money,” Merrick said.
Lucian looked at him.
“They contain money.”
“Fine.”
Unfortunately, something else in the library also seemed interested in the books.
A cold wind swept through the room. The temperature dropped. Then a translucent figure emerged from between the shelves. A spectre.
The creature charged.
The mad man immediately threw up his hands. “I SURRENDER!”
Then everything went to absolute shit. The spectre tore through the party. And every time it touched somebody... They lost levels. Not hit points. Levels. Multiple fucking levels. So.
Remember when I said I was only going to reload after a total party wipe? Yeah.
We need to discuss that. This fucking ghost drains TWO LEVELS every time it hits somebody. Two.
And normally that might merely be an enormous pain in the ass rather than a game-ending catastrophe, except restoring drained levels in Pool of Radiance requires Restoration scrolls.
I did not exactly have Restoration scrolls stacked in a warehouse somewhere, and they aren’t particularly easy to get.
By the end of this particular disaster, several members of the party had been reduced to the level of small chipmunks. So we're establishing a small amendment to the rule:
If half my fucking party suddenly forgets several years of professional experience because Casper touched them, I'm counting it the same as a party wipe. Hey. It’s my playthrough. Fuck your opinion.
Moments later...
The party stood outside the main exit to the building. Again.
Mara looked furious. “Okay. So that ghost fucked us up.”
Nobody disagreed.
“There’s no clear way around him, and only magical weapons can hurt the bastard.”
She turned toward Lucian. “Lucy.”
“Don’t call me—”
“Shut the fuck up and listen. Don’t you have some direct damage spells?”
Lucian blinked. “Magic Missile.”
“Good. Memorize it.”
She opened her own prayer book. “I’m preparing Protection from Evil.”
Aldren watched her. “Mara, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worked up before.”
She looked toward the main library doors. “I fucking hate ghosts.”
Merrick nodded sympathetically. “Fair.”
They tried to leave again with their small treasure trove of books. And died. Or got drained into uselessness. Again. And again. And again. This battle took me WAY too fucking long.
I replayed the goddamn thing many, many times. I'm recording the entire nightmare as one party wipe in the Ledger of Death because otherwise this stupid ghost would need its own fucking web page.
Trust me. It was far more than one. Far more. I fucking hate level drain. Eventually... Somehow... They did it. They fucked the spectre up and won the day.
Aldren practically screamed. “WE DID IT!”
Merrick dropped onto a tattered carpet. “Fuck ghosts.”
Mara nodded. “Fuck ghosts.”
Lucian straightened his robes. “I concur.”
Aldren suddenly looked around. “Wait. Where did that insane fellow go?”
Merrick pointed across the room. “He’s over there.”
Aldren followed his finger. The mad man was lying face-down on the floor.
“Dead?”
“Yup.”
Mara walked over and checked him. “No. Unconscious.”
“Oh.”
She slapped a Cure Light Wounds into him.
The mad man’s eyes flew open. “THE FLOWERS!”
Merrick sighed. “Welcome back.”
With the library finally cleared, the party gathered everything they could carry and returned to New Phlan. That’s when the mad man suddenly began screaming and attacking everyone within arm’s reach. Including the City Watch.
“What the actual fuck?” Merrick shouted as the entire party ran from the guards.
Mara reached for her weapon. “Let me kill him.”
“No!” Aldren shouted.
“Why not?”
“He’s sick!”
“He’s annoying.”
Lucian grabbed the mad man by the shoulders. “Perhaps we should take him to the Temple of Tyr. I have read accounts of similar behavior in possessed individuals.”
Merrick looked at him. “So he’s like some fucked-up version of the Annabelle doll?”
Lucian frowned. “What is an Annabelle doll?”
“Never mind.”
A little while later, inside the Temple of Tyr, an aged priest approached them.
He pointed toward the mad man. “That man urgently needs our care. Drop him from your party or he will bring you to grief. We will care for him.”
Everyone looked at the mad man.
The mad man looked back. “The water walks.”
Mara pointed toward the priest. “He’s yours.”
And so the party dropped him. There was much rejoicing. Back at City Hall, the clerk rewarded them for clearing the library. Another 312 experience points each. Two hundred fifty gold. Two hundred platinum.
Then came the rewards for all the books, maps, and historical materials we had dragged out of there. Another roughly 550 experience points each. And somewhere around another 500 platinum.
Merrick looked at the money. “I fucking love books.”
The clerk also had another commission waiting for them. Apparently, a large tribe of kobolds was being recruited by Phlan’s enemies. The Council wanted us to make sure that alliance never happened.
Aldren nodded. “We’ll take care of it.”
Before leaving town, the party stopped at the training hall. Aldren had gained enough experience to reach level 5. Things were going pretty damn well.
Then we finally identified that strange manual Merrick had pulled out of the library garbage.
It was a Manual of Bodily Health.
Full stop. The fucking manual. I vaguely remembered this fucking thing from when I was a kid playing this game on my family’s A500.
Basically, the Manual of Bodily Health can permanently raise a character’s Constitution by one point. Cool, right? Except there’s a catch. You have to use the manual and then immediately rest for THIRTY-ONE FUCKING DAYS.
So that’s exactly what I did. We used the manual. Then rested. And rested. And rested. Thirty-one days later...
Aldren’s Constitution increased from 15 to 16. BAM. Fuck yeah. Apparently spending an entire month sitting around reading one book made Aldren physically healthier. I’m buying the wrong fucking books. And honestly?
That seemed like a pretty good place to stop the episode.
The Party So Far
Aldren and Mara are now level 5, Merrick remains the party’s increasingly profitable level 5 garbage-diving thief, and Lucian has accumulated enough spells that sooner or later he’s going to become genuinely dangerous.
Skullcrusher has returned to Cadorna. The mad man has been institutionalized by the Temple of Tyr.
And we finally know considerably more about Tyranthraxus, the mysterious Pool of Radiance, and the unpleasant shit apparently brewing throughout Phlan. For once, we actually learned something. Probably.
Aldren Kestyr — Level 5 Fighter
Mara Threl — Level 5 Cleric
Lucian Eldwych — Level 4 Magic-User
Merrick Sorne — Level 5 Thief
Next Time On...
The library is clear.
The spectre is dead.
The insane man is somebody else’s problem.
Everyone took a much-needed 31-day vacation just chilling in the local hostel.
And our map of Phlan is filling up nicely.
Unfortunately, there’s still Sokal Keep, the nomads, a tribe of kobolds considering joining the enemy, and several unexplored areas in and around New Phlan.
And Lucian?
Lucian is getting very close to Fireball.
God help us all.