Episode 18: Dragonslayer • Pool of Radiance • The Pools Saga • Sam Thul

Aldren, Mara, Lucian, and Merrick went west to deliver a diplomatic message for the Council and somehow turned the entire trip into two separate military incidents. First, they discovered a pirate fort, punched a slave merchant in the face, freed a bunch of prisoners, killed roughly eighty buccaneers, and accidentally rescued the missing heir to House Bivant without actually realizing they'd done it. Then they found the place they were supposed to be going.

The party delivered the Council's message, enjoyed a pleasant dinner with the commandant, discussed politics and the mysterious Pool of Radiance, and went to bed. Two hours later, their hosts tried to murder them. Merrick took a Lightning Bolt directly to the face and died. Mara almost joined him. Aldren and Lucian finished off the commandant, the surviving defenders surrendered, and everybody hauled Merrick's corpse back to New Phlan for his increasingly routine 5,500-gold resurrection.

Lootwise, Aldren upgraded to Plate Mail +3 and a Shield +2, Mara inherited his Plate Mail +2, Lucian got Bracers AC 3, and Merrick ended up with his own Gauntlets of Ogre Power. The Council also rewarded them for rescuing Bivant's missing child, which happened somewhere between punching the slave trader in the face and killing nearly everybody in the pirate fort.

All that remained was to return west and thoroughly search the outpost they'd just conquered. Merrick heard the word search. He equated it with the word treasure. That was all the motivation he needed.

Merrick turned and headed straight toward the docks. "Let's go, you assholes! There's treasure to be found!"

The four of them took a boat back toward the wilderness surrounding New Phlan, then hiked west until they reached the fort they'd left in complete fucking ruin. Or, at least, what should have been the fort they'd left in complete fucking ruin. Instead, a small band of armed men on horseback rode out to meet them.

The riders attacked. My party, having already conquered this place once, did not find the replacement staff particularly intimidating. Aldren drew his sword, Mara raised her hammer, Lucian started doing wizard shit, and Merrick fired sling stones at them. A short time later, the riders were dead.

Merrick stepped over one of the bodies and rubbed his hands together. "Alright. NOW we loot the place."

Aldren tried to help. "Maybe somebody raided the place while we were back in town."

"I suppose we should try to find Cadorna," Aldren said. "Does anyone have any idea where he might be hiding?"

Lucian considered the question. "We could return to Valjevo Castle. Given Cadorna's involvement with Tyranthraxus, it remains one of the more logical places to search."

"Alright," Mara said. "We don't have many options. We've mapped the countryside. We've already been everywhere else worth checking, and the mage is right."

Mara slowly turned toward him. "What the fuck ever, Lucian. The magic-user is right. The castle is the obvious place for a councilman on the lam."

Soon, our four max-level chumps were once again passing through Stojanow Gate and entering the hedge maze surrounding Valjevo Castle. I pulled out my maps. Again. Which meant the party pulled out theirs. Funny how that works.

He pointed toward the northwest section of the castle. Aldren leaned closer. "Hmm."

"I'm not entirely sure." Aldren turned the map slightly. "I mean... now that we're looking at it, it does seem rather obvious."

The party climbed the stairs. At the top, they found another staircase leading downward and, after some searching, another set of stairs hidden behind a secret door.

Merrick's mood improved immediately. "See? I knew coming back here was a good idea."

They decided to investigate one of the stairways first. It led directly into what appeared to be a medusa's personal playroom, complete with several former human beings who had recently been converted into lawn ornaments.

Lucian lowered his eyes toward the floor. "It is her eyes you are supposed to avoid."

Lucian cast Stinking Cloud, and the medusa disappeared inside a disgusting green haze while Merrick began firing sling stones toward anything vaguely shaped like a monster. Aldren just kinda whacked it once with his Long Sword +5. The creature dropped. Nobody turned to stone.

The party continued higher into the tower. The next room was an actual furnished apartment, and a middle-aged man in robes sat behind a desk. He looked up at the quartet of well-equipped adventurers.

"If you've come from Tyranthraxus, I can offer a better deal! Kill him instead of me and I'll make you all generals!"

It connected for 11 damage, knocking the man violently backward. Before he could recover, Aldren stepped forward and brought his sword down. One hit. Dead.

They searched onward and eventually discovered a trapdoor in another room. There was absolutely no indication where it went, so the four of them stood around staring at it.

Lucian looked mildly surprised. "That may be the first unanimous intelligent decision we have made since arriving in Phlan."

They left the trapdoor the fuck alone and continued down another flight of stairs.

And then, seventeen episodes into this increasingly ridiculous adventure, my party finally entered the audience hall of Tyranthraxus, Conqueror of Phlan.

The ceiling had been torn away, leaving the upper section of the tower open to the sky. In the center of the enormous chamber glowed the Pool of Radiance itself.

An ancient bronze dragon rose before them, surrounded by a fiery aura. Guards stepped forward to block the party's path.

Lucian looked over their armor and weapons. "They're much better equipped than most of the soldiers we've encountered."

Aldren met the first fighter head-on, his Long Sword +5 crashing against the man's defenses while Lucian immediately began casting Stinking Cloud. The spell landed and four of the eighth-level fighters disappeared into the poisonous haze, coughing and stumbling about.

Mara followed with Hold Person, freezing two more fighters where they stood. Suddenly, the odds had gone from absolutely horrific to merely shitty.

Aldren cut one of the remaining fighters down, and Mara killed another. Lucian threw out another Stinking Cloud and incapacitated two more of the bastards. Then, feeling unusually violent for a man wearing robes, he walked over to one of the helpless fighters and beat him to death with his quarterstaff.

Mara cast Hold Person again and went to work on two more of the guards. Unfortunately, these guys were still eighth-level fighters, and the few who remained capable of moving hit like fire giants.

Lucian broke away from the fighting, rushed to the thief, and bandaged him before he bled out. Aldren and Mara continued hammering away at the remaining guards while Lucian used every disabling spell he could manage.

Holy shit. My party had just defeated the strongest group of normal human opponents we'd encountered in the entire game.

The fight awarded them more than 16,000 experience points, which would've been amazing if anyone could actually fucking use it. Nobody could. Everyone was already max level.

The corpses were also loaded with magical equipment. Rings. Plate mail. Two-handed weapons. Enough enchanted gear to outfit a small army.

Tyranthraxus regarded the four battered adventurers and praised their strength. He offered them a place at his side. Join him, and they could command the armies that would sweep across the Moonsea.

"We've seen what you've done to Phlan," Aldren said. "We're not helping you do it to anyone else."

Mara hefted her hammer. "I don't take orders from anyone. Especially a fucking dragon."

Lucian folded his arms. "You've spent quite a lot of time trying to kill us. I see no reason to start working for you now."

Tyranthraxus attacked, and approximately one second later, he opened his jaws and blasted Mara with lightning.

Lucian tried magical lightning instead. Also nothing. A Magic Missile managed to hurt the dragon a little, which at least proved he wasn't completely invulnerable, but by then Tyranthraxus was already on top of Aldren.

Lucian stood alone. Mara was dead. Aldren was dead. Merrick was unconscious. He looked up at the enormous flaming bronze dragon looming over him and adjusted his robes.

Lucian nodded. "Most of my offensive magic appears ineffective. Fireball accomplished nothing. Lightning accomplished nothing."

Mara nodded. "Camp. Heal. Memorize everything useful. Then we go back in and kill the fucker."

Everyone agreed. We had already learned that the guards were beatable, mainly by spamming Stinking Cloud and Hold Person. So that was step one. Check.

The party rested, healed, reorganized their equipment, and returned to the audience hall. Once more, Tyranthraxus sent his collection of eighth-level fighters forward, but this time the party knew exactly what to expect.

Mara fired Hold Person into the group. Lucian followed with Stinking Cloud, then pulled out his Wand of Paralyzation. Between Hold Person, the Wand of Paralyzation, and Lucian repeatedly filling the room with magical ass gas, most of the fighters barely got to fight.

Aldren moved through them with his sword while Mara cleaned up the helpless ones. Merrick stayed on his feet this time, and Lucian continued shutting down anyone who looked vaguely threatening.

Before approaching Tyranthraxus, the party stopped. There was no way in hell I was going directly into that fight again without checking absolutely everything we had.

They healed whatever wounds they could. Rings were pulled from corpses and tried on. Armor was inspected. Potions were passed around and downed where they might help. Everybody went through the collective mountain of magical crap accumulated over the last seventeen episodes looking for anything that might stop an eighty-damage dragon blast.

Unfortunately, none of the newly acquired equipment really improved what the party already had. That was the problem with walking into the final battle already dressed like magical royalty.

Aldren stared at the bronze dragon and tightened his grip on his sword. "I am a dragonslayer," he quietly told himself.

There was a moment of silence before Aldren's disembodied voice came from somewhere nearby. "Lucian, you're a genius!"

And just like that, Tyranthraxus couldn't see us. The enormous bronze dragon that had just murdered half the party with eighty-damage lightning blasts could no longer target anybody.

My four little assholes immediately spread out around him and started beating the absolute shit out of a dragon.

Aldren's sword struck home while Merrick started pelting the fucking thing with sling stones. Mara swung her hammer and missed. Lucian stayed safely out of reach and repeatedly fired his Wand of Magic Missiles.

The Dust of Disappearance had basically turned the final boss of Pool of Radiance into a large, angry piñata.

Seventeen episodes earlier, he'd arrived in New Phlan with a regular long sword, some banded mail, and a completely sincere belief that he and three people he'd just met could somehow help save the city. Since then he'd fought trolls, giants, vampires, kobolds, pirates, undead, mutant lizards, fire giants, spectres, evil priests, wyverns, and more fucking orcs than I could possibly count.

He had been killed. Repeatedly. He had lost a level. He had temporarily lost the use of his legs. He had declared himself a dragonslayer after killing something Lucian insisted was not technically a dragon.

For a few seconds, I genuinely thought that was it. Then something rose out of the dead dragon.

On screen it looked like some giant, buff, blue demon motherfucker, and apparently THIS was Tyranthraxus. The dragon had just been the shell.

Which was bad, because Tyranthraxus immediately informed us that killing the dragon hadn't actually destroyed him. He could just possess one of us instead.

Apparently Tyranthraxus had fucked things up badly enough that Bane himself was calling his ass home. Tyranthraxus objected. Bane did not care.

An invisible force grabbed the blue bastard and dragged him directly into the Pool.

Mara looked around New Phlan. "So we killed the dragon, a god grabbed the blue asshole, and now we're home."

Mara smacked Aldren on the back hard enough to make his armor rattle. "Good job, Dragonslayer."

Back at City Hall, the clerk greeted our four heroes. This time, there wasn't another emergency waiting behind the congratulations. No cursed graveyard. No poisoned river. No kobold army. No evil councilman. No diplomatic package.

The clerk continued. "If you wish, you may continue to help us clear any remaining monsters. All Phlan salutes you!"

There was also an obscene pile of gems and jewelry, which meant at least one member of the party considered the entire adventure worthwhile.

Merrick stared at the haul while Aldren smiled. "Well, gang. We officially won the day. How does it feel to be heroes?"

Lucian looked out toward the city. "Semantically, the term hero can refer to—"

Later, the four of them took one last walk along the Stojanow River. The same river that had once been black with pollution was clear now. New Phlan was still New Phlan—still dirty, still half surrounded by ruins, still populated by people who seemed alarmingly comfortable hiring four random adventurers to solve municipal problems with extreme violence.

I thought back to where this whole thing had started. Four characters rolled up in a DOS game from 1988. A fighter who actually wanted to help people. An evil cleric who solved most problems with blunt-force trauma. A magic-user who started out with five hit points and eventually became a walking atom bomb. And a thief who spent most of the adventure throwing rocks at monsters and searching every suspicious wall, pile of shit, corpse, room, and container he could find.

I started this whole thing because I wanted to play through Pool of Radiance. Just play it. Map it by hand. Make some stupid decisions with dice. Take screenshots. Keep notes.

Instead, somewhere along the way, these four assholes actually became characters I cared about. Aldren became the Dragonslayer. Mara became the person you absolutely did not want standing beside you while paralyzed. Lucian went from hiding behind walls to throwing Fireballs and rewriting reality with File Explorer.

For seventeen episodes I'd watched these four idiots fight, argue, die, get back up, find treasure, lose treasure, map entire sections of the Forgotten Realms, murder the wrong people, occasionally murder the right people, and slowly turn from four level-one nobodies into the most dangerous collection of assholes in New Phlan.

Lucian shook his head. "I suspect our particular combination of personalities makes long-term retirement statistically unlikely."

Merrick looked down at his enormous bag of treasure, then back toward the others. "Wait for me, you assholes!"

For now, Phlan was saved. The Pool of Radiance was gone. Tyranthraxus was defeated. And somewhere beyond the Moonsea, another adventure was waiting for them.

The Party So Far

After eighteen episodes, countless hand-drawn maps, an increasingly unreasonable number of corpses, multiple complete party wipes, one poisoned river, one vampire, an entire kobold civilization, a fake Tyranthraxus, and finally one very real bronze dragon, the first game of the Pools Saga is finished.

Nobody gained another level because the game wouldn't let them. The final guard battle dumped more than 16,000 XP on everybody, then City Hall handed out another 67,500 XP each for defeating Tyranthraxus. All of it went directly into the giant imaginary bucket labeled XP WE CAN'T FUCKING USE YET.

Plate Mail +3, Shield +2, Long Sword +5, and Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Drank a Potion of Giant Strength, took 80 damage and died on the first attempt, came back, and finally killed an actual dragon.

No technicalities. No wyvern loopholes. Aldren Kestyr is officially a Dragonslayer.

Lucian is going to hate living with this.

Plate Mail +2, Hammer +3, Ring of Protection +2, and Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Used Hold Person to freeze Tyranthraxus's guards, killed several while they couldn't fight back, then took 80 damage from a lightning blast and died.

Came back and helped kill the dragon anyway.

Still does not consider herself a hero.

Leather Armor +4, Cloak of Displacement, Short Sword +2, Sling of Seeking +2, and Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Returned to the outpost for treasure and discovered the entire place had basically ceased to exist.

Got knocked unconscious before Tyranthraxus's offer, then stayed awake on the second attempt long enough to help kill the final boss by throwing rocks.

Never change, Merrick.

Next Time On...

Pool of Radiance is finished.

But The Pools Saga isn't.

Aldren, Mara, Lucian, and Merrick have survived their first adventure together, and I'm not abandoning these assholes now. Their characters are being imported into the next game in the series:

Curse of the Azure Bonds.

A new city. A new adventure. A new set of maps for me to completely fuck up.

And, presumably, a whole new collection of people who have absolutely no idea what's about to happen to them.

The four assholes are coming.

God help everyone.

For Tyr!

Previously...

The Party So Far

Next Time On...